Dave Knows: Elko

There’s a new blog out there, run by my bro, Dave.  All about Poutine in Portland.  What is Poutine, you say?  It’s french fries, cheese curds and gravy.  All together in one greasy-salty mass of excessiveness.  I’ve had Poutine exactly once, when I was in Canada, of course.  It’s the kind of dish everyone really should enjoy once a month or so.  Kinda like a Reuben sandwich.

Is there anywhere in Elko Nevada that you can get Poutine?  I doubt it.  But if I find one, I’ll let you all know!

The days are getting shorter and I’m ready for bed at 7:00pm, it must be TV season again!

I love this time of year since Survivor and Amazing Race are both on, which makes me happy.  The wife watches NCIS and CSI, Desperate Housewives and a few others.  A couple new ones this year, Modern Family on ABC and Community on NBC, are pretty damn funny.  Ed O’Neill is great on Modern Family and the rest of the cast is hilarious. I have to “download” Community on Thursdays since Survivor and CSI both get recorded at the same time.  Stupid DirecTV DVR can only record two channels.  What year is this, 2005?  But it’s a great show.  My buddy Joel McHale is hilarious on Talk Soup and he’s even better on Community.  And Chevy Chase is even funny.  Who knew?

NFL Football is in full swing and the NBA regular season is just around the corner(GO BLAZERS).  I might not need to leave the house for the next 6 months!!!

This is Ollie enjoying the air conditioning over the summertime:

He’ll sit there like that, mouth on the AC vent, for miles.  It’s funny.

I took this awful pic in the Mattie’s parking lot:

In case you can’t read the license plate on that Buick Electra land yacht, it says “DERBYCR”

I love it!  I would LOVE to participate in a Demolition Derby before I die.

Elko doesn’t have a lot of pizza choices.  You have Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Round Table, Pizza Barn and Papa Murphy’s.  We try to eat healthy most of the time, but when we get “the craving” we usually go for Papa Murphy’s or Dominoes since they are the cheapest.  If money were no object, it  would probably be Pizza Barn or Round Table.  Odd man out?  Pizza Hut.  They have sucked multiple times since we moved to Elko.  I don’t know if it’s just poor management, or a culture of disappointment fed from the parent company down to the franchises, but the one here in Elko really stinks.  We have eaten at the “all you can eat” buffet and had to wait 15-20 minutes for them to make pizzas to put out, and they are gone in 5 minutes and you have to wait 15-20 more minutes for them to make another pizza.  Of course, this happens at Round Table too.  The service at the Elko store is no excuse, though.  The people are just plain rude.  We’ve been there for the buffet when there was no silverware available.  The girl behind the counter looked at me like I had a third ear when I asked for some forks.  One time we were waiting for a carryout order.  Some other people picked up their order, went out to their car, came back in a minute later and told the pizza hut flunky that it wasn’t their order, and they had the gall to try to hand it straight over to us.  We said NO, you’re going to make us new pizzas. Who knows what those people did to the pizza once it was out of our sight?  Some snot-nosed kid probably grabbed a piece of pepperoni off of it with his plague-riddled fingers.  I’m not taking that chance.

So we haven’t been to the Elko Pizza Hut in about 2 years.  But the wife bought a $20 pizza hut gift card for someone last year and decided to give them something else.  It’s been rotting in her purse because we really don’t want to give Pizza Hut our business, but I’m such a tightwad I decided to try getting some free pizza for lunch on Sunday while we watched football.  Sounds easy, right?  I brought up pizzahut.com and tried to start a delivery order. DENIED!  We are out of the pizza hut “delivery area”.  We’re about 3.8 miles from the store, 8 minutes by google.  Probably faster in real life. But that’s too far for pizza hut!    FINE, I’ll put in a carryout order.  Stupid Pizza Hut made me put pants on.  So the website pops up multiple “deals” that I can choose from.  Sounds great, right? But some of them contradict themselves.  Check out these three:

Hmmm…which one would I choose?  Since I’m not a moron, I chose the first one.  $10.99 for the first pizza plus $8 for the second means $18.99, right?  Not in Pizza Hut World!  I selected a large Supreme, a “specialty” pizza.  Then I added a large Meat Lover’s, another “specialty” pizza.  Total price?  $22.57!  That doesn’t make any sense.  It’s not tax, since I checked and that gets added on the checkout page.  I tried multiple combinations of different large pizzas with different crusts and toppings, and it came out to $22.57 every time.  Since PizzaHut.com doesn’t show an actual menu with prices and won’t break down the charges on the website, there is really no way to know how it is coming up with $22.57.  If I remove the “extra” pizza, the price goes down to $10.99 like it is supposed to.  Add the second “$8″ pizza and the price jumps back up to $22.57. The other “deals” listed above came in at $23.57 and $24.57 respectively.

So since I was delusionally hungry, I decided to call the store thinking they would be able to sort all this out, right?  I talked to “Kendra”, or “Candy” or “Candra” or whatever the hell her name was.  I explained my problem and her level of cluelessness ranked right up there with my cat on the whole situation.  All she could do was list the two deals she knew about, which were lame.  I asked her what would happen if I did order from the website, and she said they would call me back and tell me I couldn’t have the pizzas for that price.  I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure that goes against the franchise agreement.  But I wouldn’t be surprised if an Elko store pulled a stunt like that.  Goes with the territory I suppose.  She offered to let me talk to the “manager” but after sitting on hold for 5 minutes, I gave up.  I had already wasted enough of my time.  I went to McDonalds instead.

I filled out a feedback form at pizzahut.com, I’ll keep you posted on the response.

PS, I saw the following listed in the FAQ at pizzahut.com.  Even if my issue were resolved I would NEVER order from pizzahut.com as long as they are affiliated with these two companies:

I learned about Reservation Rewards when I completed my order at pizzahut.com, and I have questions about the program. How can I reach Reservation Rewards?
Please call 1-800-732-7031 and the Reservation Rewards team will be happy to assist you.

I learned about Shopper Discounts & Rewards when I completed my order at pizzahut.com, and I have questions about the program. How can I reach Shopper Discounts & Rewards?
Please call 1-800-889-8776 and the Shopper Discounts & Rewards team will be happy to assist you.

I’ll let you do your own research on those two.

Drove by the Red Lion in Elko the other day and had to stop and take a picture of the big sign.

Hahaha  FAIL!

I saw this in the bathroom at work:

Notice the writing on the ass gasket package?  Let me zoom in for you.

Free Cowboy Hats

Take One

I admit it, I LOLed.

I need to apologize to the internet here for a little while.  I talked crap about Facebook a while back and I have to say that since that time my opinion has changed a bit.  My friend Jim in Portland had tried to talk me into getting on Facebook for quite a while, and I resisted.  Eventually the wife got on (without asking me first, dammit) so she could share photos and chit chat with her girlie friends.  Once I saw her playing Farkle, it was all over.  I dove into the Facebook headfirst!  At first I started looking for old buddies from grade school, high school, college, old workplaces, etc and that was fun for awhile. But then I got bored.  And thats when I started playing Mafia Wars.  Yes, I’m one of *those* people now.  You know, hundreds of Facebook friends, wall full of Mafia Wars requests, never posts anything else.  I now know why everyone loves Facebook!  It’s a huge time-waster, and I’m down with that.

Now I just need to figure out how to stop calling it “Facebox”

Last year’s Portland Trailblazer season was pretty amazing. 54 wins, 4th seed in the tough western conference.  I’m usually an eternal optimist as far as the Blazers go, but last season even exceeded my expectations.  They are all unselfish team players, have a phenomenal bench, and an underrated superstar in Brandon Roy.  This is going to be Greg Oden’s year, i’m telling you!  My prediction:  59 wins and a Northwest division championship.

I’m planning a family trip from Elko to Portland in May next year and I’m REALLY looking forward to seeing a Trailblazer playoff game.  I may even catch a game over in Salt Lake Shitty this season.

There’s an open house at the Igloo on Saturday!  From the Elko Daily Free Press:

The Igloo Recreation Center is turning 5 and everyone is invited to an open house at the facility this week.

The open house is from 5-7:30 p.m. Saturday.

The Igloo is a recreation center where children and adults are able to play in-line hockey and soccer, practice in a batting cage and compete in gymnastics and archery.

Shortly after we moved to Elko I played indoor soccer at the Igloo through the winter.  They don’t call it the Igloo for nothing!  That place is COLD!  When I played there it was in pretty poor shape and the roof leaked quite a bit.  I’m curious to see how its been fixed up.